Can You Truly be Single and Happy?


This blog came by way of a conversation I had with a girlfriend- Roechelle- and it definitely sparked my interest. It is quite typical for people to assume that once you are not happy, or you don’t feel fulfilled, then it’s because of the lack of a partner or in Jamaican terms ‘oil waah release’. A lot of times I find myself yearning, needing, wanting more, missing something, feeling incomplete, miserable, tormented, discombobulated and feeling chaotic. Should I express these feelings to anyone, their first response is “you need a man/sex”. So it makes me wonder, do we really need a relationship to fulfill us? Can we be truly happy to its fullest extent without having someone’s input? When we say ‘Single and happy’ are we fooling ourselves?

Surveys have become a part of my blogs because it’s important to hear someone else’s perspective. So here goes:

R.I- The answer is two-folds: YES because truly accepting who you are is the first step of being happy… You have attained happiness when you can truly enjoy what you love of yourself… when you can truly accept being alone. But at the end of the day, no matter what – It’s simply human nature to desire…

S.O – I’m not TRULY happy when I’m single, but I’m ok…everybody need dem somebody #EveryHoeHaveDemTickABush

‎D.C- But must… having that relationship is the ultimate achievement in life‎.

R.H- Yes you can be happy without a partner but the question is for how long. Yes we need companionship to experience complete happiness…

‎D.M- Yes you can be happy without a partner. Some relationships do make us happy; some are like out of hell. Happiness is never complete but it is workable.

C.L- I don’t think anyone needs to be in a relationship to completely be happy. Single life will bring about feelings of loneliness at times but it comes and goes.‎ If people learn to appreciate their own company like myself, then they won’t need a companion to be happy.

‎T.C- It all depends on your personality and the friends and family you have around you that will determine if you’re happy or sad. ‎Also if you don’t enjoy your own company or space you’ll be unhappy alone. 

A.H- You know me already, I don’t need a soul. You can be happy with or without a partner. It’s all about choices and what you really like and want. Some people need companionship and some can do without it.

O.R- No you can’t, ‎I believe you need someone to share the ups and the downs with.

‎L.H- Not sure if I’d say you can be truly happy without a partner because at some point or the other you are gonna need companionship, someone not necessarily to have sex with but to talk to and share things with… You can also be happy with and within yourself and have no need for a companion. At the end of the day it’s all about you.  

T.M- You can be single and happy. However according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs companionship is needed to complete an individual. So ultimately you are gonna yearn for more just because it’s a natural human tendency. 

C.S- You don’t NEED companionship to be truly happy. One should strive to be emotionally independent yet make room in your heart for someone you WANT to share your life with. But I think a part of being truly happy in a relationship is by first learning to be happy with yourself… I believe that everyone should have that someone to share their life with… We weren’t designed to b alone, or Adam would be in the garden by himself.

‎I specifically placed the last two responses at the end, because they contain something that echoes in my head and heart. We Were NOT Designed To Be Alone. Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

What I want to clarify is, yes we can be content and happy within ourselves; we can be comfortable and embrace who we are and that in itself makes us happy. In fact we first need to develop that level of happiness on our own, in order to understand happiness and be able to in turn share it. I agree with the responses that unless we learn to be happy with who we are, we can’t extend that happiness to someone else, and we won’t know how to treat happiness once received. For someone who relies solely on a partner to make them happy, to me, that is a death sentence for the relationship; it places too much burden on the partner. And we can’t be so consumed that when a relationship ends, our happiness in its entirety goes too. So yes, love you and be happy with you. Enjoy being single; claim happiness on your own, but I don’t think it’s happiness to highest degree.

I think it’s 50/50. Imagine being happy with you and your partner being happy with themselves; combined it’s a lethal dose of joy. Happiness shouldn’t make you yearn. Loneliness is a side effect of being single, it eats away at our joy and the only remedy is companionship. So if you are single and happy, you shouldn’t feel lonely, because loneliness means you want more; and wanting more means you’re not complete; and completion that you can’t acquire on your own, MUST come from someone else. Now it’s not guaranteed that once in a relationship, your happiness is automatic. It requires two happy people, to make a happy whole. So if one half the whole is not at the required level then don’t expect the other half to fix your incompetence.

I try as best as possible to write open minded without giving away too much of me, but for this post I’ll share me. I’m single and a lot of times i’m unhappy… and I think it’s because I haven’t been able to reach my target independently. I’m still working on completing my 50% before I even think of sharing me with someone else. So it’s not that my oil needs to be changed –lol- or I need a man, I just need to be a happy me first. Pheewwww that was hard to say. I’d suggest to those of us who are expecting happiness from someone else, to expect it from yourself first. That way, no one can bullshit you on what happiness is and should be.

So can you be single and happy? Yes! Is that happiness at its full level of potency? NO!

Long post but I hope you enjoyed the read. Feel free to share, like and comment.