She Didn’t Take Him, He Left…

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She Didn’t Take Him, He Left…

In our culture, we have a tendency to blame a woman for ‘taking our man.’ When your men steps outside the relationship, our target is almost always the other woman, but let’s be frank here, if he didn’t want to go he wouldn’t have. In short, she didn’t take him, he left!!
I am no expert on relationships but with the little knowledge I’ve gathered through experiences and healthy discussions, I’ve come to the realization that you can’t force a man to do something he doesn’t want to. He may or may not be the aggressor, but had he no inclination then no amount of pressure could make him surrender. If something is not apart of your character and you have absolutely no desire, then peer pressure is not your shortfall.
Too often we attack other women for stepping in our relationships, walking in to our marriages and leaving with our partners. The questions I have are: Why was the door left opened in the first place? If she knocked, why did he answer? If the door was left open, who opened it? If that same door was kicked in, why wasn’t it strong enough? Better yet, are we sure our relationships have doors? Hmmmmm
Steve Harvey in his book “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” said men cheat because there is someone to cheat with. The blame should NOT be placed on any one person because it takes two to tango. If you feel the need to address another woman about your relationship, then have that same conversation with your spouse. One hand can’t clap! We need to stop with this nonsense of pitting women against each other because of something a man willingly participated in.
No man is held against his will and forced to step outside his relationship, and if that were indeed the case, then that’s a matter for the courts. But under normal circumstances, if you dangle a bait and a man latches on then he is just a guilty as you are, and should be subjected to the same ‘punishment.’ It’s rather ridiculous for women to be fighting each other, accusing each other and belittling each over theft, when the product was left on the open market.
God forbid your partner should be unfaithful, please remember that he wouldn’t have stepped out if he didn’t want to. She didn’t take him from you, he left on his own.
I AM MSDADRIAN…. BE BLESSED!

You Down With OPP?

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Trying to find the correct percentage or ratio for men to women in relationships is quite an uphill battle. What is a known fact is that there are more women who need love and companionship, than men available to give it.

The ratio women to men in Jamaica is about 13-1. Take from that, the men who are incarcerated, deceased, homosexuals and otherwise unavailable. The number then drastically increases to probably twice the before mentioned figure. It leaves the question; women… are you down with OPP?

OPP-Other people’s property.

Given the fact that there aren’t enough men to go around, based on the ratio, if you happen to come across someone who is unavailably-available, would you be willing to be the other woman?

Now, I don’t want the term ‘other woman’ to be looked at in a negative light, though many may say there is no positive spin to being the other woman. But let’s forget the colourful terms we use to call the other woman…. side chick, side piece, matey, #2, next gyal, sweetheart, etc. Can a woman, separate and apart from the woman at home, be just as involved in a man’s life? If so, is her position accepted, respected or frowned upon?

I like to do mini surveys about my blogs to get second and third opinions before I post them. My views aren’t necessarily your views, but the sharing of information gives better insight and varied outlooks. They are:

“Hells no! I don’t share full stop. Can you imagine in this weather I have to wait my turn… wifey have him under lock and key”

“I don’t agree with it because at the end of the day it’s regarded as cheating no matter how you see it. Also, how would you feel if you were on the other side of the fence… Karma is a hell of a woman.” That’s the politically correct answer, but “sometimes some a dem people yah deserve a whole bakery under dem skin”

“I think she who does is just nasty!”

“I am not one to judge, do what makes you comfortable. And then again I’m a man, who wouldn’t want more than one woman”

“Mi nuh believe more women around. You women need to be patient.”

“I don’t care for it. One person me a deh with at a time.”

“Of course, in this day and age… Men aren’t faithful and make women do crazy things. If you’re with OPP then you ain’t got nutn to worry about.” Less stress… let wifey worry.

Before I continue, first answer me this question… Can a person be in love and share a bond with more than one individual at once? (Maybe that should be my next blog lol)

When you consider polygamous relationships in countries and traditions where it’s acceptable and the norm, then the thought of sharing a partner is every-day life. But because of how we are socialized, do you think that’s the reason why we look at the ‘other woman’ as the home wrecker? Do you believe that women who date men who are already involved are intentionally trying to tear apart a union? Do they have ulterior motives, moving up the chart to #1? Or is it that because of the lack of good men, and the inconvenience caused by their circumstances (death, prison, etc) why women choose to be with someone who may already be involved, but has room for her needs? Are all ‘sweethearts’ out for the position, or is the need to be loved and wanted the driving force for women in these situations?

Personally, I believe in having my own. Like someone said, I wouldn’t want to have to wait my turn. But then I think to myself, if I’m not able to be ‘the one’ would I be open to being one of? And in another comment, is it that women aren’t willing to wait why they settle? What about the woman who has been waiting, the one who has waited years, does she get a pass?

I do believe that when it’s your time, no one can take that away from you. Like old people say “every hoe have dem stick ah bush”. But with this rise in women openly and willingly partaking in these kinds of relationships, does that saying still stand? Or do we blame the men for not stepping up and making themselves worthy and available so as to prevent sharing?

At the end of the day, whilst not joining the OPP movement, I can understand why some women may do it. And I also know what it’s like to be the woman being cheated on, and I wouldn’t wish it on my enemy. But to each her own, who am I to judge?

So, are you down with OPP?

I AM MS DADRIAN… BE BLESSED! 

Check the link attached for “O.P.P.” a number-one 1991 hit song recorded by rap group Naughty by Nature