Which is more forgivable?
If you are familiar with the actress Tori Spelling and her story, then you know where this blog is heading. But for those who aren’t, in short, her current husband with whom she shares four children, has stepped outside their marriage and now they are trying to decipher if the relationship is worth saving. She alluded to the fact that if he cheated once or with one person, it makes a world of a difference as opposed to cheating with multiple partners. So my discussion today surrounds forgiveness.
What’s more forgivable, cheating with one person or multiple people?
Before I go any further let me clearly state, that in NO way shape or form do I condone infidelity. It is unacceptable, disrespectful, hurtful and sometimes just unforgivable. But we are living in a world of sin where people often make mistakes, and sometimes after investing years with someone, it’s hard to just walk away because of that mistake. You wouldn’t want to throw away all that you’ve built together because of someone’s poor judgement. So depending on how many times the same mistake is repeated, it will determine the outcome.
I asked my girlfriends the question and I’ll share some of the responses.
There is a twist to the question which some persons picked up on right away because they immediately went beyond the surface. Other responses stayed afloat, but I’ll share that a little later.
Cody: I can forgive a one off “mistake” but a repeat offender should be subject to the wrath of a woman scorned…(none smile)
Tracie: Cheating with multiples is worst, far worst! It’s easier to forgive one but more than one shows that you will do it again given the opportunity.
Lacye: One person is more forgivable; multiple is where the buck stops.
Roechelle: That one person is gonna be receiving things- emotionally, mentally, physically etc- equivalent to you or even more.
Cece: Cheating with multiple persons means you’re just a whore(whether male or female whore).Cheating with one person should be the response but it goes deeper,it means your partner actually likes that person in my opinion and will most likely keep cheating with that one person.
Responses from a few male friends all echoed the same sentiment. Cheating is unacceptable, but doing it one time is more forgivable.
I’m on both sides if the fence with this one and I’ll tell you why. Cheating with multiple partners means no attachment. It means you are just not ready for a commitment, and you are incapable of settling at this point. It means to me that you are an addict because one person will never be able to satisfy you. It means to me that if I am going to take that leap of faith and invest in you, I should not expect it to be reciprocated because you are not ready for that kind of exclusivity. It also means you don’t give a damn about your partners feelings, and there is nothing to lose if he/she calls the relationship quits. It also means that I’m at a greater health risk because you are intimate with a wide cross section of people, who may or may not be on the same level of the health scale.
On the other hand, cheating with one person- and here is the twist- it doesn’t necessarily mean one time, cheating with one person repeatedly, means that there is more to that relationship that just the sex. If it were just sex then it could have come from anybody. But the fact that you keep going back, it means that there is a commitment. You’ve become attached to that vagina/penis. Feelings are developing, investments are being made, and you are now settling partly with someone else. That in itself spells destruction! Once emotions become involved, then it’s harder to restrain… The bond will be harder to break and you are now giving to someone else, apart of what belongs to me. You are now dividing your roles and responsibilities, and you are expecting equality from both persons. Were this a polygamous/polyandrous society then multiple partners could work. And even then, spouses have roles and placements; no two people share equal responsibility.
With all that being said, I think cheating in general for both men and women boils down to one thing, having someone else experience the most intimate and vital aspect of that relationship.
For men… The thought of someone else experiencing that sexual intimacy is just unforgivable… Even if it’s just one person, just one time.
For women… It’s sharing aspects of yourself with another women that should be exclusive to just one. Don’t fall in love with her, don’t get emotionally attached and worst don’t give her oral sex.
At the end of the day, most persons agreed that cheating with one person may be an easier pill to swallow. It is NOT a free pass to go do it, but God forbid it happens, then forgiveness is possible.
Funny how we are trying to decide the redeemable kind of cheating, instead of avoiding the act all together. Lol
Forgivable cheating, one time, one person or not?
I AM MS DADRIAN… BE BLESSED!