I recently participated in a discussion via a radio programme, about making known the amount of partners you’ve been with. Majority of those who participated in the discussion echoed NO! I was actually one in a handful who said yes but with conditions. My yes doesn’t necessarily come only in the form of numbers, but in deeds and character.
There is this saying that women always divide their number by two (they say 5 when it’s 10), and men multiply their number (they say 10 when it’s actually 5). If there is any truth to it, I can understand why. No woman wants to be seen a ‘bad girl’ or a ‘whore’, and our men were raised and socialized to be a ‘gyalis’ or ‘players’. Our music glorifies men having girls in a bundle, and applauds women who scream ‘One Man’. But let’s talk about it…
When I say make known the amount of partners, I’m not going to give you exact figures, but if the situation arises where I need to make known who I’ve been with then I’m open about that. I don’t want to put my partner in a situation where he hears about Tom, Dick or Harry through other people rather than me. If he asks then I should be the one to tell him. I won’t write names, what we did, how many times, when and where we did it, but if it is on a need to know basis then I’ll let him know. I also think he is entitled to know the kind of person I normally date- the character of the person- because I want to know the kind of girls he’s attracted to. Without being judgemental, I want to know that the others girl are women with morals and values, and are actually women he’s proud to show off.
In doing my mini research and survey for this blog, I got the same responses right across the board. The men don’t want to know numbers, they too want character, and they are looking for patterns. Is she attracted to bad boys, cops, did she date a scammer, does she like tall or short men, rich men or hustlers, things of that nature and not necessarily a fixed figure. One person actually said numbers can influence outlook. Men formulate an idea of a woman’s past based on the relationship they share; they sometimes generate their own figure based on age and experiences and how women deal with relationships on a whole. We normally take a while longer to get over a break up; we wait a while longer to get physical, it requires a lot more when it comes to intimacy, so men will use those factors and create an acceptable number in their minds. Telling them otherwise will ruin the perception or image they have of you.
The women on the other hand couldn’t care less about their partner’s exes. They only want to know about his health and how careless or not he has been. Did he ever have an STI, does he practice safe sex, and to an extent the type and character of his exes. They also stand against me in numbers, but they do support sharing the need to know information. One response was that men can’t handle the truth. Women only need to share the relationships that actually meant something, and not the one guy you hooked up with that one time. They say men don’t know how to deal with a woman’s sexual history, hence alterations to the truth is necessary to preserve their sanity and ego.
But what exactly is the acceptable number and how do we go about arriving at that number? An old friend once said, he calculates based on age, how early the woman engaged in sex, how long she should wait (in his opinion) after a relationship has ended to start a new one and how to decipher which relationship is worth the intimacy. In the end he thinks a 25 year old, should NOT exceed 3 partners and any woman who exceeds this number has questionable character.
With all that being said, if you were to find out the amount of sexual partners your current partner had, would that change the way you feel about him or her? If he or she asks, would you be willing to share your number or would you alter it? Is there an acceptable number in comparison to age? Are numbers even that important?
Btw… what’s your number? Lol
I AM MS DADRIAN… BE BLESSED!